Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Ski lift

Warning: this post is yet another in my series of mopey, maudlin, self-pitying diatribes.

A few months ago, my brother was shooting a wedding at the summit of Hunter Mountain (with his camera, I mean). I talked to him beforehand, and he told me that he was so scared about riding the ski lift to the top that he almost wanted to just jump off. As a preemptive strike against falling off. I've kind of felt the same way lately; not about any specific thing in my life, but generally. Things are going well - very well, actually - but all I can think about is the omnipresent possibility of calamity, and it's making me crazy.  I think maybe I always get this way at this time of year; maybe I need more sunlight or exercise or something.

I've been seeking solace through the usual sources:  yoga, friends, books, music.  I finally completed the playlist that I started working on years ago, and I've been listening to it non-stop.  Cathartic.  I remember asking my therapist once years ago if it's okay to cry when you don't know why you're crying.  She said it was.  So, I guess I've got that going for me.

I went for a massage about a week ago - my first ever.  I felt calmer afterwards than I remember ever feeling before.  Probably should make that a more regular event in my life.

Anyway, new episodes of BSG start on Friday, so I have that to look forward to (even if I kind of think they should have ended it with the last episode that aired last spring).


Green Weaver said...

Hey buddy, sorry you're mentally rutted... you can always turn to drugs...

No seriously. HUG.

Pamela said...

hmmm... meditation? massages, yes.
oops, gotta go check the playlist.

Squirrel said...

Weaver - the thought has occurred. But even a beer seems to make it worse, so I'm abstaining.

NoR - Maybe more yoga rather than meditation; I spend too much time in my head already. Just called to make a 2nd massage appointment. Re: playlist; there have been a few changes since the last time I posted it, and it continues to evolve. Maybe I'll repost it at some point.