Warning: this post is yet another in my series of mopey, maudlin, self-pitying diatribes.
A few months ago, my brother was shooting a wedding at the summit of Hunter Mountain (with his camera, I mean). I talked to him beforehand, and he told me that he was so scared about riding the ski lift to the top that he almost wanted to just jump off. As a preemptive strike against falling off. I've kind of felt the same way lately; not about any specific thing in my life, but generally. Things are going well - very well, actually - but all I can think about is the omnipresent possibility of calamity, and it's making me crazy. I think maybe I always get this way at this time of year; maybe I need more sunlight or exercise or something.
I've been seeking solace through the usual sources: yoga, friends, books, music. I finally completed the playlist that I started working on years ago, and I've been listening to it non-stop. Cathartic. I remember asking my therapist once years ago if it's okay to cry when you don't know why you're crying. She said it was. So, I guess I've got that going for me.
I went for a massage about a week ago - my first ever. I felt calmer afterwards than I remember ever feeling before. Probably should make that a more regular event in my life.
Anyway, new episodes of BSG start on Friday, so I have that to look forward to (even if I kind of think they should have ended it with the last episode that aired last spring).